I don't just want to be successful I want to have fun.

I hate being mean. I watch those roasts on Comedy Central and they make the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

I think you figure out how to be funny by necessity. It's not a natural thing, being funny in the face of tragedy is kind of demented.

There was plenty of dysfunction in my family and I went to Catholic School with these psychotic nuns. I would always try to be funny to lighten the mood.

I think the obsession with wanting to change yourself is crazy over the top.

Be relentless and then you'll break through.

This whole generation of parents - I'm guilty of it too - does too much for their kids.

Going to Catholic school was what fueled me into comedy. The nuns were so brutal so I used to try to make my friends laugh.

I think I knew I was funny in Elementary School. I think most funny people realize it when they're young. It tends to come out of stress or trauma - something that makes you want to be funny.

I've known lots of people that are talented and nothing happens. It's not about talent, it's relentless drive.

I think comedians have a function in society, which is to make fun of our icons.

Some of the most powerful speeches I have given have been delivered in the dedicated silence of my actions.

Pleasure and pain are on the same side of the coin of human experience. The opposite is indifference or numbness.

You can't do anything about the past, it's done and can't be mended. But the future is different, if you just think what you really want and reach out and take it.

Closing one's ears to the complaints of partisans would also entail closing one's mind to the substance of their arguments.

One of the ugly secrets of the renewable-energy industry is that its products make no economic sense unless they are highly subsidized.

You gotta be a good sport! So when I would lose, I would say, "That guy was better than I was; what do I have to do to be better next time?"

Bad nature never lacks an instructor.

We must not allow this generation to produce record numbers for the juvenile justice, runaway and homeless youth, or foster care systems.

Do you happen to have another Condom? I think I've discovered the cure for headaches.

It is the greatest of crimes to depress true art and science.