I don't know about you, but in my neighborhood, they just opened a Starbucks... IN A STARBUCKS!!!

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

Our Heavenly Father has provided many delightful inns for us along our journey, but he takes great care to see that we do not mistake any of them for home.

Always think about practice... theory is not the endpoint of work, it is the work along the way to work.

I know him. He's a hot chilli pepper, just like me! (on Valeri Bojinov)

This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.

I would not run as a one-issue candidate. Anybody who does that is declaring himself to be marginal.

I get literally a physical sensation of low self-esteem that is a result of not engaging the world and getting comfortable that way.

All you can do is all you can do.

Heaven is equally distant everywhere.

Isn't cricket supposed to be a team sport? I feel people should decide first whether cricket is a team game or an individual sport.

A man may devote himself to death and destruction to save a nation; but no nation will devote itself to death and destruction to save mankind.