I don't know any skinny people who bully fat people. I just know skinny people who use fat people for rides.

We have chemical weapons in America too, they're called meth and cocaine.

You write some material, go up on stage and try it out; go back home and throw it in the trash can. And the next day do it again.

The police pulled me over and asked me if I have anything illegal in my car. I looked at my cousin and I ran.

I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.

I gotta lose weight. I got stretch marks on my stomach and I never had a baby. So now when I take off my shirt in front of women, I tell them I was attacked by a mountain lion.

Rich people bring a lawyer. Latinos and blacks bring their mom.

I like to watch French movies with the volume up so my neighbors could think I'm terrorist.

My mom cooked the same food every day - tortillas, beans and meat. If it was enchiladas, it was - tortillas, beans and meat. If it was burritos, it was still - tortillas, beans and meat.

The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.

I envy people who could just have one drink and not go look for cocaine afterwards.

and when we speak we are afraidour words will not be heardnor welcomedbut when we are silentwe are still afraidSo it is better to speakrememberingwe were never meant to survive

This isn’t fiction, the man says. This is the Post Office.

A man he seems of cheerful yesterdays And confident tomorrows.

Proper words in proper places make the true definition of a style.

The lovers, appearing happy, walk, holding hands. Though it appears everything is perfect, only they know the truth.

Life has the name of life, but in reality it is death.

The only absolute knowledge attainable by man is that life is meaningless.

After four tortured years, more than 400 over life-sized figures, I felt as old and as weary as Jeremiah. I was only 37, yet friends did not recognize the old man I had become.

What I'm hoping to do and what I think I will do is make an entertaining enjoyable show where the whole family can sit down and watch.

The more violent the storm the sooner it is over.