I don't know how to write jokes from the point of view of a six-foot-two guy. So, I'll always talk about it, but I just don't want it to be the absolute focus of all of my act.

That is the most confusing and insane thing to me, when people get offended on behalf of another group.

I hate that when people are like, "Well, all dwarves know each other, right?" And you want to get mad, but you can't because we do.

I want to go to Australia so bad, do comedy there, and see the people there. It's a great country. I have friends that are Australian that have told me all about it. I want to do comedy there.

It takes a surprisingly large amount of intelligence to be a professional idiot.

The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A, never going to see me in the first place, or, B, were dragged to see me by somebody else.

Comedian makes the statement that just isn't true.

I don't get to the global issues or anything like that. I am just trying to be silly.

People ask me a lot like, "Hey, so when are you done with your tour?" Like when I die. That's when I'm done with my tour.

Everyone's extremely and easily offended now.

It's very confusing to me why people take comedians so seriously.

When you unfold your spirit, you unfold your dream.

Each job requires a conscious choice of career path, and a different plan of development.

The past the present and the future are really one: they are today.

I treat politics kind of like my religion. It's something I believe in, but I don't want to have to make a living at it, because if you make a living at it, you somehow become dishonest.

Stories,' the green-eyed Sigrid said, unperturbed, 'are like prayers. It does not matter when you begin, or when you end, only that you bend a knee and say the words.

Don't bring anything to me but trouble.

The story of civilization is, in a sense, the story of engineering-that long and arduous struggle to make the forces of nature work for man's good.

The first thing required of a teacher is that he be rightly disposed for his task.

Everybody has an opportunity to play a role, a playmaking role, so it makes it harder to coach. It takes a little more time.

What the morrow's years might bring 'twas sin for man to know.