I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Pain strengthens and failure teaches us the proper way to do things.

When you're up in Maine, there is Canada, I mean it's looking right at you; it's a different viewpoint.

A love like that was a serious illness, an illness from which you never entirely recover.

To try deliberately for self-actualization is like trying very hard to fall asleep or to have a good time.

I enjoy making music alone, and I like keeping my options open for how I release my own songs.

In every country dogges bite.

I always thought that writing poetry was in itself a political act.

You've got to make sure that you don't overstep your boundaries with teachers, especially when it's report card day or when you're about to take a test.

We are born subjects, and to obey God is perfect liberty. He that does this shall be free, safe and happy.

What goes too long unchanged destroys itself.