I don't know if I have sexual magnetism or animal magnetism, though sometimes I'll find a squirrel stuck to my forehead.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

There is no UFO and also there is no alien, at least not in common mind nor reference.

When you decide to be better than you were yesterday and maintain this attitude, you are going to the peak.

You are a door to an existence she does not desire, but even if the room beyond is repugnant, that door has won a portion of her affection.

A 'good man' is a male creature that survives the endless episodes that its woman spends complaining about women who she hates, and, women who hate her.

When I lost my way, and When the road was too long, I was muttering to myself. Life is just that way.

'I don't believe you've changed at all, Charles.' 'No, I'm afraid not.' 'D'you want to change?' 'It's the only evidence of life.'

I'll have a lot of wrinkles on my face, but I feel like my heart will be fat and full.

I myself consider myself the most powerful figure in the world.

Don't stop dreaming just because you had a nightmare.

For a director and a producer to be named on the writing credits is practically unheard of.