I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.

Take responsibility of your own happiness, never put it in other people’s hands.

Hasn't anyone taken their time to love you in a while?

I was just teasing, " I say. "I myself don't like to eat plain butter, but hey, it's a free world.

Home at that moment was a starless night, a steady wind, not a human to be seen.

Why do I keep evading my work? Is it because I’m afraid of being confronted by my lack of abilities?

The idea of being famous is a lot better than the reality.

One of the most wonderful things about having a positive attitude is the number of people it touches, many times in ways you'll never know.

Arise, soldiers of Christ, throw away the works of darkness and put on the armor of light.

To kill a man between panels is to condemn him to a thousand deaths.

Never count on making a good sale. Have the purchase price be so attractive that even a mediocre sale gives good results.