I don't know what fire is made of - hell nobody does. All I know is that fire is awesome. I'm not a pyromaniac, but I am a pyroenthusiast.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

Perfect love has a breath of poetry which can exalt the relations of the least-instructed human beings.

An unread book does nobody any good. Stories happen in the mind of a reader, not among symbols printed on a page.

When it comes to dating, I'm straightforward and traditional with a twist.

Japanese attitudes toward work seem to be critically different from American attitudes.

Presidential elections always turn on personalities, they turn on how campaigns are run, they turn on natural desires for change.

President Bush announced a billion dollar mission to the moon and Mars. He came up with a snappy new slogan - to drill where no man has drilled before.

The problem is that what Donald Trump said, if you take it literally now, is cause for anxiety and nervousness.

High and fine literature is wine, and mine is only water; but everybody likes water.

There were not many people who could say that their education had been paid for with cigarettes.

I would rather label the whole enterprise of setting a biological value upon groups for what it is: irrelevant, intellectually unsound, and highly injurious.