I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I will do it again.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The scary thing about the future... there will be tiny cameras everywhere, and they'll be flying around like mosquitoes and drones. That will be bad. Drones are scary. You can't reason with a drone.

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

I am bigger than the box I'm in.

It’s perhaps more laudable to simply keep heading out into the world, than always tilting to leave one’s mark on it.

You will achieve great success when you find happiness.

The age-old and noble thought of 'I will lay down my life to save another,' is nothing more than cowardice.

I think charter schools, choice, and frankly school standards need a champion.

A fundie claimed "God invented science". All of science is tentative and approximate, also sometimes mistaken. Is that the best God can do?

Most people who think they can't live up to the great painters of the past, often times have a group of people they think they're better than.

...and best of all, the wilderness of books, in which she could wander, where she liked, made the library a region of bliss to her.

The first river you paddle runs through the rest of your life. It bubbles up in pools and eddies to remind you who you are.

Self-deception can be more comforting than self-knowledge. We like to fool ourselves.