I don't know why I get away with some things. But I'm not a misogynistic, racist person. Yet I do find those jokes funny, so I say them. And I try to say everything kind of in a good spirit.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

One of my girlfriends was getting married. This was becoming an annoying pattern.

Self-awareness of one’s faults, far from being the first step to growth, is very often the second foot in the mud.

Once you begin to believe there is help "out there " you will know it to be true.

I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.

Let me tell you that every misery I miss is a new blessing.

I just want a life that's full of up-leveled joy. And I'm ready to meet a nice man! Put that out there, too.

We put all these things together into a tangible product that is The Rock N' Roll Mystery Tour.

John could write a mean song. He had a lot of venom in him. Whereas I had a happy childhood.

I'm really a strong advocate of ageing because the messages that the media and advertising give to women infuriate me: ie that it's a bad thing to get old.

I am a Congregationalist with Catholic sensibilities. Which probably explains how I ended up in a Episcopal church.