I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go there.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

We are all poets, really.

My intellect is so limited, Lord, that I can only trust in You to preserve me as I should be.

The answer is they didn't. They aren't here, Razor. They never were it's just us. It's always been just us.

Your Results will only change when you change your mindset, thinking and actions.

Before I can say anything, It dissolves in my throat And turns into tears.

That kind of inability to improve is really very rare. That kind of consistency is miraculous, in a way.

Timing has always been a key element in my life. I have been blessed to have been in the right place at the right time.

What's important is to remain human.

There is nothing small in the service of God.

I love reading about history. Sometimes, I feel I was born in the wrong era. There was more creativity in the air when people were still discovering new worlds.