I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.'

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

I came to realize we are held in the arms of God and are utterly completely safe - in life and in death

If merely 'feeling good' could decide, drunkenness would be the supremely valid human experience.

Wisdom gives us the understanding that God has given us commandments for our benefit.

The world, like a dream full of attachments and aversions seems real until the awakening.

Many people who voted for Mr. Obama in the last election did so based on skin color.

I know people. Most have no earthly notion of the price of a snow-white conscience.

Blame the city I'm a product of it

The person I would trust the most is my mom. She's just really creative... She's a playwright and she's a musician.

But even the law cannot be in your bedroom at night.

Making a film is like learning the ropes all over again.