I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.

I don’t drink anymore - just the same amount.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

I think filmmakers want their movies to be seen.

A man of genius can hardly be sociable, for what dialogues could indeed be so intelligent and entertaining as his own monologues?

Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself.

Stephen King has the exact ability that Charles Dickens had. To get to his readers in spite of or despite anything the reviews say.

I also enjoy writing my regular column for Organic Gardening magazine, so I may do more of that sort of thing in the future, if anybody wants it!

Mother Teresa's numerical results were not her greatest contribution. Instead, she made the world-and especially India-conscious of compassion.

Humans treat time as a map and always know where they are located on it and respond with the appropriate emotion.

Nothing is far from God.

I have my choice: who can wish for more? Free will enables us to do everything well while imposition makes a light burden heavy.

[A] person is so much more than the name of a diagnosis on a chart.