I don't like people who drink decaf coffee it's like what. Why you drinking it? Like it taste so good? That's like drinking non alcoholic vodka.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

Love and loneliness, they are both coincidences.

I am even thankful for the negative things that have made me a stronger and better person.

Laziness travels so slowly that poverty soon overtakes it.

You know, look, if I could strangle these people and not go to hell and get executed, I would, but I can't.

I hope to direct a few more films before I leave the planet, so I hope I can find the material.

Hate is the last refuge of the ignorant. Love is the medicine. Compassion is the gift of the awakened ones.

Some of us claim that he was a messiah, and some think that he was just a man with very special powers. But that misses the point. Whatever he was, he changed the world.

Of course, Annabeth wouldn't be able to breathe, but at the moment, that seemed like a minor problem.

A sort of transaction went on between them, in which she was on one side, and life was on another, and she was always trying to get the better of it, as it was of her.

It has that thing - the imagination, and the feeling of happy excitement- I knew when I was a kid.