I don't like people whose job it isn't to be funny, to tell me what is and isn't funny.

Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.

I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.

They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

I believe a leader is inspired by his/her team to lead them.

I was on the path of the warrior, when I realized I was the warrior.

We Americans, in most states at least, have not yet experienced a bear-less, eagle-less, cat- less, wolf-less woods. Germany strove for maximum yields of both timber and game and got neither.

To say of what is that it is not, or of what is not that it is, is false, while to say of what is that it is, and of what is not that it is not, is true.

In general, the only way to overcome failure is to not let it destroy you. It's that old saying, "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger." You just have to keep going.

Every country gets the circus it deserves. Spain gets bullfights. Italy the Church. America Hollywood.

Some people resemble ballads which are only sung for a certain time.

. . . is it to be understood that the principles of the Declaration of Independence bear no relation to half of the human race?

Do you know how many houses all of the nonprofits have built? No more than 5,000 in five years. Do you know how many we lost? 200,000.

I think Clint Eastwood is a well oiled machine. Everyone that works with him has the same reaction, "Can I stay with you?"