I don't like talking to people I KNOW, but strangers, I have no problem with.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

Socialism is not panacea and capitalism is not entirely evil.

Who is this that darkeneth counsel by words without knowledge?

The plainer the dress, the greater luster does beauty appear.

Carrot Top is a nickname that people call me and I thought that it was more marketable.

There are no practical alternatives to air transportation.

Your job is to give people a reason to keep reading.

I got fired once for putting like a packet of biscuits through a fan - I was really bored.

Let the music keep our spirits high, let the buildings keep our children dry, let creation reveal its secrets by and bye.

I love when people improvise as long as they're great improvisers, what I mean by that is people can improvise within their characters and within the scene.

It is strange that the tactile sense, which is so infinitely less precious to men than sight, becomes at critical moments our main, if not only, handle to reality.