I don't like the new president who hunts muslim extremists, I like the old president who is a muslim extremist.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

I never swear, Monseigneur. I say Yes or No, and as I am a gentleman, I keep my word.

Leaving Humanity is only your decision.

If you are divided from your body you are also divided from the body of the world, which then appears to be other than you or separate from you, rather than the living continuum to which you belong.

There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations--these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat.

We sit in meditation and cry to God, we cry to the light, as little children, knowing God will do everything for us.

I wear a lot of the boys jewelry - the chains as well - so it's kind of good for my style because I like wearing chunky jewelry.

For he who innovates will have for his enemies all those who are well off under the existing order of things, and only lukewarm supporters in those who might be better off under the new.

Remember, it's your own body, your own brain. You're not a victim of the universe, you are the universe.

A grateful heart ... comes through expressing gratitude to our Heavenly Father for His blessings and to those around us for all that they bring into our lives.

I really wanna work with Kanye West. He's one of the few people I haven't got to work with yet that I really wanted to.