I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

I shall soon be quite dead at last in spite of all.

Let your creative and imaginative mind run freely it will take you places you never dreamed of and provide breakthroughs that others once thought were impossible.

Then the Warrior realizes that these repeated experiences have but one aim: to teach him what he does not want to learn.

Money or even power can never yield happiness unless it be accompanied by the goodwill of others.

Combination is a soul of chess.

Do we fear suffering or apathy most? Is it from experience or the monotony of a commonplace existence that we quickest flee?

I think the whole experience of being a human being on the planet is such a mystery, to be honest. Trying to figure out one's purpose and [asking] "What is it all about?"

It is better to play than do nothing.

What we are in ourselves, and what we owe to others makes us a complete whole.

Entertaining is one method of avoiding people. It is very often the negation of hospitality.