I don't like to joke about dating.

I finally understand that it’s okay to be a little afraid of things but that obsessing over them does not mean you have any more control over what you fear.

People said to me, "You know, when you record a special, you're going to regret it. The one thing you'll regret because you're a comic is you'll think of better tags."

I realized I need a certain kind of chemistry and a certain kind of look to be into someone, and like 1 percent of the population has it.

I find it actually the height of romance to legally bind yourself to someone because you're really taking care of someone, and letting them take care of you. I actually have no cynicism about that.

Instead of saving for someone else's college education, I'm currently saving for a luxury retirement community replete with golf carts and handsome young male nurses who love butterscotch.

Sometimes I look [ on trolls on Twitter], but even one ignorant comment can make me go, "Oh god."

I am just really focused in on what I love doing, but I would be a moron to not take some of my natural talent - I'm not saying I'm that talented, but I have enough acting and writing talent to go.

What I found out about myself was I am not someone who doesn't believe in marriage.

I used to make albums because I wasn't touring, and so I thought, "This is the best way for people to find out about me.

Its almost Thanksgiving! A day when you get to hear your extended family use racial slurs for groups are not taking away their jobs.

Humanity is mediocre. The majority of women are neither superior nor inferior to the majority ofmen. They are all equal. They all merit the same scorn.

It is only necessary to have courage, for strength without self-confidence is useless.

I specialize in murders of quiet, domestic interest.

Vegans are the ONLY unique people on this planet who think outside of the box. They are the ONLY ones who reject society's norms, and live differently than the aforesaid groups and people.

Love your suffering. Do not resist it, do not flee from it. It is only your aversion to it that hurts, nothing else.

Young people, especially, are looking for religion so desperately that they are inventing new ones. They should not have to invent new ones; the old religions are pretty good.

To be a great autocrat you must be a great barbarian.

We are the zanies of sorrow. We are clowns whose hearts are broken.

Try to force celibacy upon yourself and your dreams will become sexual, they will have a quality of sexuality.