I don't like to overdose. Call me old-fashioned.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.

I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.

A hotel room all to myself is my idea of a good time.

One of my girlfriends was getting married. This was becoming an annoying pattern.

I was in a tailspin of confusion I hadn't experienced since the first time I heard George W. Bush speak.

If I had seen pictures of people eating each other on the wall, I would've told him I was into cannibalism.

I have a question. Is it okay to drink while you're pregnant...if you're planning on giving the baby up for adoption?

My mother agreed to aid my abuse of alcohol but only if I promised never to tell my newly converted Mormon sister, whose identity I had stolen.

Every woman wants a cowboy.

When people give me a compliment, I just look back and smile, as I am just a glimpse of both my father's. Both earthly and heavenly.

Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education.

There never was a great man yet who spent all his life inland.

True power is stillness within motion.

Happiness is a sunbeam, which may pass though a thousand bosoms without losing a particle of its original ray.

I got quite bored when I was hanging in the air. I want to do it without a parachute next.

You know what music is? God's little reminder that there's something else besides us in this universe; harmonic connection between all living beings, every where, even the stars.

Why should a Man be Moral? Because this strengthens his will.

Who says that my dreams have to just stay my dreams?