I don't like waking up. I feel like staying in bed usually, but I can't because I've got two kids standing next to my bed, just eager to live another day.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

When in doubt as to what you should do, err on the side of 'giving.

It's true that the best way of knowing yourself is to put yourself into different situations.

Along with you, I have witnessed the unfortunate rise in gasoline prices that has accompanied the summer driving season and the more recent spike in prices due to Hurricane Katrina.

I would add that I consider myself and how I do things as a kind of system which, by definition, I always follow.

I think if someone else other than Reagan, someone less of a hardliner, had been in power then the breakthrough in ending the Cold War would not have happened.

It is better to invert reality than to copy it.

When every moment, you experience yourself as the source of creation, not as a piece of creation, then you are realized.

Four personalities are bound to clash.

As a rule, pawn endings have a forced character, and they can be worked out conclusively.

It's much easier to get over someone if you can delude yourself into thinking you never really cared that much.