I don't mind you thinking I'm stupid, but don't talk to me like I'm stupid.

You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.

The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity.

Thank your readers and the critics who praise you, and then ignore them. Write for the most intelligent, wittiest, wisest audience in the universe: Write to please yourself.

K is for "Kenghis Khan"; He was a very nice person. History has no record of him. There is a moral in that, somewhere.

In these days of widespread illiteracy, functional illiteracy... anything that keeps people stupid is a felony.

The world is turning into a cesspool of imbeciles.

You must never be afraid to go there.

They minute people fall in love they become liars.

Posing the question: does the god of love use underarm deodorant, vaginal spray and fluoride toothpaste?

I hate being wrong, but I love it when I'm set straight.

Either you like cats or you don't. Whole nations have been divided on what people thought of an animal that mates openly, walks in silence and keeps its own counsel.

If I win I can't be stopped! If I lose I shall be dead.

To acknowledge the receipt of letters is always proper, to remove doubts of their miscarriage.

I still believe that if we stand together with courage in our convictions and love for America, our best days are ahead of us.

Just as food causes chronic disease, it can be the most powerful cure

I like pressure. Pressure is good.

We're not in a world of information overload, we're in a world of filter failure.

Anytime you stop striving to get better, you're bound to get worse.

You have to stay faithful to what you're working on.

The great artist is the simplifier.