I don't need adult supervision.

All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.

Why should we tell kidnappers, murderers, and embezzlers their rights? If they don't know their rights, they shouldn't be in the business.

No Taxes. Let's just tip the government 15% if they do a good job.

I must choose my words carefully in order to avoid any negative interpretation. Among politicians, this is a tactic known as lying.

Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.

I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.

I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird.

Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.'

We have nothing to fear but fear itself...and of course the boogieman.

Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.

So…we’ll start by boasting, will we? Just like old times! Very well, demigod.

I have to believe in reincarnation. believing that I'll be in one place forever is a hell in itself.

Then I went through a big Peggy Lee stage, then I became Annie Ross, then Judy Collins.

Literature doesn't matter! The only thing that matters is money and getting your teeth fixed!

He's looking for the president's kidnapped daughter; everybody he calls on to help him is busy, but lo and behold, you look across the room, and I'm waiting for that action.

Motherhood is, after all, woman's great and incomparable work.

Be neither attracted nor repulsed. You are watching a movie. If the visions are beautiful or horrible, Don't get caught up in them. Enjoy your popcorn.

Let thy virtue be too high for the familiarity of names, and if thou must speak of it, be not ashamed to stammer about it.

The most effective instruments do have a vocal quality.

... but the pendulum has swung way out of whack here. A bad idea is still bad, and the pivot happy world we're in today feels suboptimal.