I don't need anybody, I'm successful in life enough to buy myself a f'ing sandwich.

When a black person has no electricity, no water, they call it the ghetto. When white people have no electricity and no water, they call it camping.

I'm glad Hurricane Katrina happened. It taught us an important lesson: black people can't swim.

If you ain't laughing, you ain't living, baby.

Dee Dee Dee dosen't mean mentally retarded. It means stupid. This song goes out to all the stupid people out there. Your gonna find this song hilarious, and you don't even know it's about you.

I'll admit it, the Holocaust was definitely a bad thing, but do we really need Jewish people around? They have big noses. I said it! I said it!

When white people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're homeless, when black people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're called rappers.

Like my father I, too, was born in Central America - Nebraska.

I'll know America is in bad shape when Cubans in Miami get in the water and swim back to Cuba.

We celebrate Labor Day by not going to work?

My brain is very simple. Like when you break everything down. I see things in a simple way. And that simplicity for some reason becomes funny to other people because they don't look at it that way.

If you have not known love, then the only reason not to die is that life will get better or god exists. If you don't believe in either, perhaps it is time for you to go.

Is it not enough to shine, To know that friends are true?That love is born of friendship, And who you are is you?

We are told in Scripture that there will be signs pointing toward the return of the Lord.I believe that we see those signs in the world today. I believe that the coming of the Lord is near.

The Big Bang Theory' has completely changed my life.

Nothing convinces persons of a weak understanding so effectually, as what they do not comprehend.

There are only two conditions where you’re allowed to wake up a woman on a lie-in: it’s snowing or the death of a celebrity.

I felt better about myself that I did it [calling Max Askeli Commander Askeli], rather than have - rather than thinking it and not writing it for being afraid of what might happen to me.

We may, perhaps, imagine that the creation was finished long ago. But that would be quite wrong. It continues still more magnificently, and at the highest levels of the world.

Ideas are born from what is smelled, heard, seen, experienced, felt, emotionalized.

Dogma, Whatever Form It Takes, Is The Ultimate Enemy Of Human Freedom.