I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly.

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

Sometimes, ” she whispered, her lips brushing his cheek, “you need to be lost in order to be found.

Yanked out of the present, Adam discovered the richness of the past in people's stories.

Human felicity is produced not so much by great pieces of good fortune that seldom happen as by little advantages that occur every day.

Michael B. Jordan is actually cool. He's like the homie. I'm actually talking to him. He reached out to me a while ago and just showing love for the music after 'TRaPSOUL' dropped.

A faithless woman, if known to be such by the person concerned, is but faithless; if she is believed faithful, she is treacherous.

Some women,” Dahariel said in that same hard tone devoid of any hint of humanity, “get under a man’s skin until digging them out makes you bleed.

My dad always had this little sign on his desk: 'The bigger your head is, the easier your shoes are to fill'. He really drilled that in.

I grew up being fascinated by accents and dialects. One of the things that interested me were actors that were doing different characters, or sort of more caricatures.

The rights of children as individuals begin while yet they remain the foetus.

I love to walk in the forest and take my bike. I love to watch the little birdies. I'm a green person.