I don't remember a lot of what I write. I try to release it after it's out there so that I can be fresh again.

Experience as much as you can and absorb a lot of reality. Otherwise, your writing will have the force of a Wiffle ball.

If there's reason for hope, it lies in man's occasional binges of cooperation. To save our planet, we'll need that kind of heroic effort, in which all types of people join forces for the common good

I have nothing but respect for the purist who won't work for the pharaoh. But I'm not that strong.

There's a built-up tension in religion, and if you can release it, you'll get a huge and satisfying laugh.

Every joke can't be dazzling. And if you think you spotted an inconsistency, you did!

I was brought up Catholic and, of course, I strayed and repudiated it. That's a painful thing to go through, because you have to look back and realize that you wasted a gigantic chunk of your life.

I have a deep suspicion of social institutions and tradition in general.

There's absolutely no way that something I do on my own is going to be seen in Malaysia.

I resisted parenthood for a long, long time. But having a daughter has given me a sense of hopefulness that I didn't have before.

Clever is the eunuch version of funny.

You are fifty different kinds of twisted.""Only fifty? Val, you wound me.

But it works that way if it works.

If they gave him an enema, he could be buried in a matchbox.

If there is a fruit that can be eaten raw, it is beauty.

You can always tell when Obama's negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he's missing his watch and his lunch money.

The quality of news coverage has diminished, because giants of the print media are no longer being nurtured properly.

A cherefull looke makes a dish a feast.

They say misery loves company, but so does mediocrity. Don't let the limiting beliefs of OTHERS limit what's possible for YOU.

The most important quality I look for in a player is accountability. You've got to be accountable for who you are. It's too easy to blame things on someone else.

I assaulted Stone Cold Steve Austin and got away with it! It was indeed a very special night for me.