I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.

If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.

I wouldn't hurt a flea. I'd finger a spider though.

My love for you is passionate and strong.

All great empires die from within.

American workers won't be able to compete fairly for jobs until companies have to pay higher wages in countries like China and India.

I am a composer first and foremost, and have always believed that being able to write memorable melodies is what sets musicians apart.

Show me your dreams. Let me make them come true.

It was one thing to go to the end of the world; it was quite another thing to make oneself at home there. Even respectability seemed to lose some of its virtue when one practiced it in a tent.

One pays for everything, the trick is not to pay too much of anything for anything.

You white folks have long been eating the white meat of the chicken. We Negroes are now ready for some of the white meat instead of the dark meat.

Vanity, in a fairy tale, will make you evil. Vanity in the real world will drive you nuts. Vanity makes you say things like “I deserved a better life than this.

It comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him.