I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.

Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.

I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.

They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

What counts that we’re not counting?

We shall never arrive at true meekness by any other way than by humiliating ourselves and by honoring others from the depth of our hearts.

Wake up and dare to try... Time doesn't care to fly!

Everyone who tells a story tells it differently, just to remind us that everybody sees it differently.

As for Doing-good...I have tried it fairly, and, strange as it may seem, am satisfied that it does not agree with my constitution.

The city is built To music, therefore never built at all, And therefore built forever.

I measure every grief I meet with narrow, probing eyes - I wonder if it weighs like mine - or has an easier size.

When I bought my house in L.A., that was the best business decision I ever made, until the housing market crashed, and it became the worst business decision I ever made.

Stop trying to make ‘fetch’ happen. It’s not going to happen!

I live my life outside of the box because when I die they're going to put me into one!