I don't so much mind that newspapers are dying - it's watching them commit suicide that pisses me off.

I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.

On the whole, I prefer not to be lectured on patriotism by those who keep offshore maildrops in order to avoid paying their taxes.

What we have here, fellow citizens, is a crassly egocentric, raving twit.

It's like, duh. Just when you thought there wasn't a dime's worth of difference between the two parties, the Republicans go and prove you're wrong.

It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America.

Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel -- it's vulgar.

If you ever get to the place where injustice doesn't bother you, you're dead.

One thing that corporations do not do is give out money out of the goodness of their hearts.

I know: "Guns Don't Kill People." But I suspect that they have something to do with it. If you point your finger at someone and say, "Bang, bang, you're dead," not much actually happens.

How the American right managed to convince itself that the programs to alleviate poverty are responsible for the consequences of poverty will someday be studied as a notorious mass illusion.

I would rather be an artist than a leader. Ironically, a leader has to follow the rules.

I want to go after dreams that are destined to fail without diving intervention.

106 [degrees] in the valley... I was sweating like Dan Rather checking for forged documents.

I loved the gentlemanly way they treated each other. It was unlike anything I was used to. I started helping them strike the set and, at 11, began taking acting classes privately.

Do I have a large frog in my hair? I have the sensation that something is eating my brain.

No matter what's happening, choose to be happy. Don't focus on what's wrong. Find something positive in your life. Thank God for the small things.

Be careful to trust a person who does not like wine.

I think [Transcendental Meditation] is what people need. They don't need high minded talk, they need results.

A quart of doubt to an ounce of truth is the safest brew.

Amory Lovins has said that the only reason Americans look efficient is that each has 300 energy slaves. Those 300 energy slaves will now be reproduced among the elite of India.