I don't speak French, but I took it for five years growing up. So, if I were in a situation where I had to be, like, 'Excuse me, pineapple dog house red, what time is it library?' - no problem.

I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.

A lot of people think that kids say the darnedest things. But so would you if you had no education. You'd just be like, I am bike cheese. Because you wouldn't know what words were.

What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.

What I think you should do is imagine people in their underwear but then also imagine them crying, and that - that is truly relaxing.

Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.

Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?

If things are really overwhelming and you need to talk, you can give me a call at 347-273-2044.

In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.

Is the square root of hate the same thing as love times love?

I am going to read... but from where to start - is the biggest question in the world.

The woman is uniformly sacrificed to the wife and mother.

I fell in love at 14 and I remember that mad, tense feeling and all the mad things you do for the person - all those extremes and all the stuff you don't mind putting up with.

The happiness and unhappiness of men depends as much on their ethics as on fortune.

Online hierarchies are inherently dynamic. The moment someone stops adding value to the community, his influence starts to wane.

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Habitual texters may not only cheat their existing relationships, they can also limit their ability to form future ones since they don't get to practice the art of interpreting nonverbal visual cues.

Once a king ... it was impossible, without risk of life, to sink to a private station.

Only the stupid and the phlegmatic should teach.

A well-trained, sensible doctor is one of the most valuable assets of a community.