I don't stutter when I talk to God. He loves me.

The Detroit String Quartet played Brahms last night. Brahms lost.

The person who can bring the spirit of laughter into a room is indeed blessed.

Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.

For me, a hearty "belly laugh" is one of the beautiful sounds in the world.

Good manners: The noise you don't make when you're eating soup.

Gross ignorance is 144 times worse than ordinary ignorance.

There once was a student named Bessor Whose knowledge grew lessor and lessor. It at last grew so small He knew nothing at all, And today he's a college professor!

Politicians are like ships: noisiest when lost in a fog.

In a notable family called Stein There were Gertrude, and Ep, and then Ein. Gert's writing was hazy, Ep's statues were crazy, And nobody understood Ein.

Football season: The only time of the year when a man can walk down the street with a blond on one arm and a blanket on the other without encountering raised eyebrows.

Those who make the worst use of their time are the first to complain of its brevity.

You need to do an inventory of yourself to discover your calling and purpose

There are two kinds of Europeans: The smart ones, and those who stayed behind.

Everyone was important during the war. Everyone. We worked together and we won.

... every monarch needs a blow on the head, from time to time.

And this is good old Boston The home of the bean and the cod - Where the Lowells talk to the Cabots And the Cabots talk only to God.

I never argue with people about movies.

The sound of her laughter was sticky as sap, the smell of night-blooming jasmine soft as a milk bath.

Not since Lord of the Flies has a novelist written with such perceptiveness about the potential for harm that lurks within the innocence of childhood.

I'm a better editorial cartoonist by default because so many editorial cartoonists out there are so awful.