I don't think I'm extremely intelligent by any means.

That is the most confusing and insane thing to me, when people get offended on behalf of another group.

I hate that when people are like, "Well, all dwarves know each other, right?" And you want to get mad, but you can't because we do.

I want to go to Australia so bad, do comedy there, and see the people there. It's a great country. I have friends that are Australian that have told me all about it. I want to do comedy there.

It takes a surprisingly large amount of intelligence to be a professional idiot.

The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A, never going to see me in the first place, or, B, were dragged to see me by somebody else.

Comedian makes the statement that just isn't true.

I don't get to the global issues or anything like that. I am just trying to be silly.

People ask me a lot like, "Hey, so when are you done with your tour?" Like when I die. That's when I'm done with my tour.

Everyone's extremely and easily offended now.

It's very confusing to me why people take comedians so seriously.

You’re . . . their absolute fantasy. Of course I’m jealous. You’re their fantasy and mine.

If you live long enough there's no line that you won't cross.

Never forget that solitude is my lot ... I implore those who love me to love my soli

How can something as simple as a look make me feel so much?

The government should set a goal for a clean environment but not mandate how that goal should be implemented.

I like chili, but not enough to discuss it with someone from Texas.

How can I lose? I've already offended everybody!

If you are fully aligned with your soul it will be your pleasure, your joy to always move toward cooperation, toward sharing, toward reverence for life. You will not be torn.

In order to have compassion for others, we have to have compassion for ourselves.

The people who can be helping to make movies that have blacks and Latinos and women and all that - that movie doesn't come to you. Because the idea is that there's no place for black movies.