I don't think men talk as much as women, but when we have something on our minds we'll get it out.

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.

That's when you know you're a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream.

The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology.

Identical twins. I'm glad they're identical 'cause you save money on photographs. That's what I like. Yeah. Here's my little boy. I got another one just like it.

I married a saint - well, a saint who curses.

People think living in your parents' basement until you're twenty-nine is lame. But what they don't realize is that while you're there, you save money on rent, food, and dates.

If my father had hugged me even once, I'd be an accountant right now.

For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to stay married, get two.

I'd rather be in Las Vegas 104 degrees than New York 90 degrees, you know why? Legalized prostitution. In any weather that takes the edge off.

My foregrounds are imaginary, my backgrounds real.

Do all the good you can while you still have the opportunity.

I used to think I could shape the circumstances around me, but now I know Jesus uses circumstances to shape me.

The young people are hungry for God.

God tests His people through hardship.

I began writing The Cold Song in the months following my fathers death, when I felt this sense of loss, disappearance, of being right in the middle of life and wondering: What now? How to proceed?

Things seem greater by imagination than they are in effect.

This is the secret, THE secret ... De-automatize.

Don't Fall in love, Rise in Love!

When you buy a depressed company it's not going to go up right after you buy it, believe me.