I don't think of my opponents in the sense that I don't think of them consciously, I don't steer it one way or the other.

I love doing stuff with Todd Barry and Jon Benjamin. We give the stage to good bands and funny people.

Occasionally I'll watch Fox News for as long as I can tolerate it, or CNN. I'll watch until I get infuriated, but you got to know what they're talking about and what they're not talking about.

I like pot, I enjoy pot, I like to smoke it. But, the one thing I don't like about pot is the subculture it's spawned. I think it's embarrassing and really juvenile and uncreative

You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It's like having a war on jealousy.

Sketches have characters, exits, entrances and are vastly different.

We should just get somebody from the left and the right and they should all throw bumper stickers at each other and the first one to cover the other one wins.

I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner.

The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!

The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country.

I went to a bunch of marches in New York and Washington, and you know I believe in the cause, but to march with those people takes a lot of compromise on my end.

History is a better guide than good intentions.

We old athletes carry the disfigurements and markings of contests remembered only by us and no one else. Nothing is more lost than a forgotten game.

Anybody who thinks small towns are friendlier than big cities lives in a big city.

time spent in being interrupted is not time lost. ... How do we know but that the interruption we snarl at is the most blessed thing that has come to us in long days?

He who died in place of us is the one object of my quest. He who rose for our sakes is my one desire.

Yes, I am a pirate two hundred years too late.

I made a list of things I have to remember and a list of things I want to forget, but I see they are the same list.

If the economy is growing fast, there is call for a distributing income from the rich to the poor to to put in place social safety nets.

The deity who stalked the deserts of the Middle East millennia ago-and who seems to have abandoned them to bloodshed in his name ever since-is no one to consult on questions of ethics.

I’m ready when you are, Lucan.” “Okay,” he said, shaking his head in defeat. “Let’s go get our boy.