I don't think the NFL had the slightest intention of taking me, except as maybe a water boy.

If you have a dream, just lie about it. Lie your way unto your dreams.

Joel McHale is so money, he should be printed on money.

In prison, inmates sometimes use Cheetos and grape juice as makeup. I wouldn't use that beauty regimen around Britney Spears - she might lick your face off!

I loved New Jersey. I thought it was the greatest place in the world because on Halloween kids could start trick or treating right after school. Isn't that great?

I used humor as survival, as a weapon and as comfort.

People have always said since TV was invented what a cultural wasteland it is but I think it is the worst and the best. It is the golden age of television.

I think we are as screwed as a culture as we are saved as a culture.

Yes, I would say my comedy is grunge, evidenced by the fact my jokes have put an end to big-hair glam comedy.

I knew I wanted to be an actor. I just kept saying, "Until somebody tells me to stop, until I have to go get a real job, and until I'm practically homeless, I'm not gonna get one."

My goal and my career is definitely not to be famous. That's a really horrible goal, just to be famous for the sake of having fame.

Well, sometimes things don't change on their own. Sometimes we have to change them.

I'm a little worried... Brave New World seems a bit more real everyday. . .

Everyone speaks of it few know it.

I always tell my staff, "Better is good." I'll take better every time, because better is hard.

Christian Science … is the direct denial both of science and of Christianity, for Science rests wholly on the recognition of truth and Christianity on the recognition of pain.

To play Bond, though, and then for the world to perceive you in a certain way, is very different from playing Superman. Bond is not this ideal figure.

I still like to play games that have a beginning, an end and a story.

There are no inconsistencies in the Discworld books; ocassionally, however, there are alternate pasts.

The only friends I have are the dead who have bequeathed their writings to me — I have no others.

Words alone cannot fully convey the realities of the soul or the greatness of the human spirit.