I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

It is brutal. Only I never could see the sense in having folks look at your tombstone and say, 'He was a man who didn't believe in violence, He's a good man... and dead.

I've never met anyone who loves in the same way. But that's the beauty of finding the heart meant for yours. The right love will accept the 'not so lovable' parts of you too.

I am a great soul.

I hate forcing myself to go to bed to avoid committing suicide.

Never forget that it is the spirit with which you endow your work that makes it useful or futile.

An extra pressure, a silent rebuke, an unseen praising, a firm correction: all these passed between us as through telegraph wires.

Talent is nothing but a prolonged period of attention and a shortened period of mental assimilation.

If there is one thing I would banish from earth, it is fear. And the only way to do that is to see that there is nothing to fear - nothing in all of life to be afraid of.

Love is your song - you can sing it any time. It is like breathing. Nobody is going to take it away from you; nobody can take it away from you.

It takes courage to believe the best is yet to come!