I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

I think I could spend an eternity with you, Killian, and never tire of hearing you speak to me.

Plan to throw one (implementation) away; you will, anyhow.

Detroit, the heart of the country... I grew up on 10 Mile, 2 miles better than 8 Mile.

God and posterity will show me more favour

We will go forward... we will never go back.

To make yourself understood to people, one must first speak to their eyes

We should take mothers in high seas and drown them there, they are as poisonous as lead in the air.

We must have faith in the people of this country and faith in our principles.

But here's some advice, boy. Don't put your trust in revolutions. They always come around again. That's why they're called revolutions.