I don't understand it myself, really. It's like the idea of him is better than the him of him

Too many people miss out on real love because they're too busy waiting for the ONE to show up

...when you decide you want to be with someone forever, you want forever to start right now.

But I figure you're never too old to learn. That's when you become old, when you stop being fascinated by things, when you stop wanting to learn and explore.

If you want a man who's commited, go look in a mental hospital.

Time has a funny way of airbrushing relationships, removing all the things that were wrong so when you look back it looks much better than it really was.

Oh yeah, the heartbreak diet.... Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.

Forget men, I want to marry my MacBook. It’s dependable, reliable and you can even go shopping with it.

Not doing anything can be worse than doing the wrong thing.

For a split second they stared at each other. A fleeting, lasting moment. One person noticing another person out of a whole crowd of strangers.

I never stopped joking around long enough to realize you weren't laughing anymore.

Time eventually positions most photographs, even the most amateurish, at the level of art.

I was right at the edge of their circle, like the tail of a Q...

So it's hard to be an artist and be true to the reality of the world you want to create and also make it entertaining and successful financially.

My narrators tend to be women with low self-esteem, so I can send them to charm school.

I can remember every outfit I wore to every party going back to 1983.

The time has come for honest men to denounce false teachers and attack false gods.

Let war yield to peace, laurels to paeans.

The faster I write the better my output. If I'm going slow, I'm in trouble. It means I'm pushing the words instead of being pulled by them.

I played football the only way I knew. If you have the football and 11 guys are after you - if you're smart - you'll run. It was no big deal.

Maids want nothing but husbands, and when they have them, they want everything.