I don't want to be a facilitator for other funny people. It doesn't seem smart for me to be in a comedy and not be funny. My spirit can't take it.

Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.

I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.

They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

Science is the desperate effort to catch up with the 13.8 billion year-old facts (give or take an eon or two).

You'll never be ready. Ask yourself instead: " are you willing?".

Americans are so enamored of equality that they would rather be equal in slavery than unequal in freedom.

Tess?” A soft voice at the door; she looked up and saw Will there, silhouetted in the light from the corridor.

He was of opinion that what we now vulgarly call the Gothick, ought properly and truly be named Saracenick Architecture refined by the Christians.

If I'm selecting a group, the first thing I look for is a record of achievement . . . If (candidates achieve) in small things, there's a very good chance they'll perform well in big things.

It is becoming more widely acknowledged that it is better to have a good constitution than not having a perfect one.

If I hear that people are litigious, I immediately dismiss them.

Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise),.4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

My falcon now is sharp and passing empty, and till she stoop she must not be full-gorged, for then she never looks upon her lure.