I don't want to pick a team. I want to make people laugh and hopefully bring some - be humorous about the human experience, you know, whether they're people of any stripes of life.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

The old law of an eye for an eye didn’t make them blind to the fact that another man’s terrorist wasn’t their freedom fighter.

Things do not belong to us but we belong to things.

The philosopher is like a man fasting in the midst of universal intoxication. He alone perceives the illusion of which all creatures are the willing playthings

Other people - they practice and they practice... these fingers of mine, they got brains in 'em. You don't tell them what to do - they do it. God given talent.

Worry is spiritual short sight. Its cure is intelligent faith.

My dad was very intelligent, had a very strong personality. I was amazed with my father.

As I have gotten older, I've discovered the joys of being lazy.

I think I've done pretty well. I've had about 46, or 47 nominations from my movies, and my films have won about 12 awards, so I don't have any complaints.

A little more movement of the defensive side of the ball, some rules that will be unnoticed, but a big rule will be allowing the jack linebacker to move out of the box sideline to sideline.

Pleasure is spread through the earth In stray gifts to be claimed by whoever shall find.