I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.

A man without words is a man without thought.

Life is a bliss only if you carefully understand it.

I’ve never had the luxury of political opinions

Where there is the slightest insistence, there is no religion there!

Run for your life from any man who tells you that money is evil. That sentence is the leper's bell of an approaching looter.

I'm not really into the fashion thing.

Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?

Trump believes politics is a staged fight. But it is not. Still, clear words are sometimes needed in politics. In that sense, I believe I am better than Mrs. Merkel.

Everyone on earth has a treasure that awaits him.

Don't give me no rotten tomato, 'cause all I ever wanted was your sweet potato.