I don't watch 'American Idol.' I don't watch any of that stuff.

Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

Life Sucks,get a helmet

You know why the French hate us so much? Thay gave us the croissant. And you know what we did with it? We turned it into our croissandwich, thank you very much.

Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them?

Crisis doesn't create character; it reveals it.

Ann Romney talking about middle class moms is like Chris Christie talking about a salad

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor.

What firefighters, and people in our military and cops do is separate from what the rest of us do, basically these people say "I'm going to protect all these strangers."

You matter.You are important.There is a reason for your existence.You may not see or understand how this is true, but truth doesn't cease to be truth because of doubt, blindness, or ignor

From food addiction to food serenity - freedom tastes great!

There is only one thing for a man to do who is married to a woman who enjoys spending money and that is to enjoy earning it.

Barack Obama wants teacher service scholarships.

What I wanted to do in rock 'n roll was merge poetry with sonic scapes, and the two people who had contributed so much to that were Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison.

As I love nature, as I love singing birds...I love thee, my friend.

The Degree to which I am blessed staggers me... the degree to which I take that for granted shames me. -Streetwalking with Jesus

Thou cannot harm a butterfly, without troubling a star.

Never lose the child-like wonder. It’s just too important. It’s what drives us. Help others.

Young stand-ups, we ought to do comedy in George Carlin's spirit, in Richard Pryor's spirit, in Jackie Gleason's spirit, in Lucille Ball's spirit, because they did it with the spirit.