I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.

I absolutely loved being famous. It was all great, up until the point when it wasn't.

I don't call you handsome, sir, though I love you most dearly: far too dearly to flatter you. Don't flatter me.

Every day, in some way, we're all being prepared for something better.

I learned it by doing it, and I was scared to death.

I think I'm very conscientious of how precious life is and how quickly life can be taken away from you, especially at times when it can be least expected.

If we really talked about what's wrong with you, you'd need a 7-1/2-hour movie and nobody would know what category to put it in!

I still tune in to the radio and listen to pop music and enjoy it as much as I ever have.

I can't figure it out yet, just how to make it perfect for you, but I'm closer than I was yesterday

Shared joy is increased, shared pain is lessened.

The improv technique does one of two things. It either makes you raise your game, or retreat into a corner and decide to find a new career. But you do feel like you want to match and develop things.