I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

I want you alone, " he whispered, gliding a hand around her hip, "on a slow boat to China. Days together, nights... rocking on the waves.

There is no honour in battle, Dogalas. Men killing men.....no honour. Honour is doing a noble deed and living to tell about it." He glanced over at him. "Remember that.

Acquaintance I would have, but when it depends; not on number, but the choice of friends.

Only to those who have been in prison does freedom have such great meaning.

It often takes more courage to be a passenger than a driver.

If you just keep your head down and just try and do your thing, sometimes magic happens.

Fight, flight, and screw up royaly.

Sophia Loren is the embodiment of what a woman should be -- the epitome of femaleness. Most of the young people today are just ironing boards.

My sorrow is my castle.

I'm not a preacher, but I preach. I'm not a Buddhist, but I chant. I'm not race theorist, but I have questions and ponderances around the complexities of race and class and culture wherever I am.