I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood he ran a tab!

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Money is ego, and people won't give it up. Just want to protect themselves, hold onto it like a blanket. They don't realize it makes them slaves. It's sick.

No one has a calling to sit in the pews of the church

If you been feeling or acting crazy, think about it perhaps you are.

No one is an environmentalist by birth. It is only your path, your life, your travels that awaken you.

Now there's three things you can do in a baseball game: You can win or you can lose or it can rain.

The deadliest of all deadly things: It kills you both when you have it and when you don’t.

Braque always said that the only thing that counts, in painting, is the intention, and it's true. What counts is what one wants to do, and not what one does. That's what's important.

Darkness is the absence of light. Absences do not exist. Sin does not exist .

No one is original. Everyone is derivative.

Credulity is belief in slight evidence, with no evidence, or against evidence.