I drive a big Dodge truck. I drive American cars.

I thought 'Pineapple Express' was hilarious.

Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?

When you're babysitting a kid, all you're seeing is a version of them, a small dosage.

I am the comedy version of ambidextrous. I'm working with my left and right hand. I'm the two-sided coin. I'm all of those metaphors you can think of. I'm the interracial couple. I'm BET and CBS.

You're trying to make someone wet their pants and you're trying to make somebody crap in their pants. That's the motivation of a comic. Who else has that power?

All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.

You know how you put peanut butter on a piece of bread and the bread falls - it never falls on the bread side down, it always falls peanut butter side down. That's because of gravity.

You ever taste some damn chicken so horrible, that you wished the chicken would show up at your house and show your lady how to cook him?

Man, you can come see me six or seven times in a row and you'll never see the same show twice, because I don't like to be robotic onstage. I like to perform for that particular audience.

This Italian restaurant I'm at is authentic! When they seat you, they give you a mustache.

Enjoy the time of existence.

Fire does transform, but the fire within is always better than fire beneath!

Everything rises and falls on leadership.

A single action can cause a life to veer off in a direction it was never meant to go.

When we approach history, we are dealing with a conglomeration of irrational continua. Those who deal with history by nonrational processes are the ones who make history, the actors in it.

Profits on the exchange are the treasures of goblins. At one time they may be carbuncle stones, then coals, then diamonds, then flint stones, then morning dew, then tears.

Traveling around the world during the World Cup in 2006, I was thinking, 'Wow, this is such an incredible and global event.'

You are the only one who can make it happen for you. Others can support and encourage you, but you have to find the energy within in order to step into the center of your own life and take charge.

I was spiritually bankrupt, and when that happens, it's like a spiritual cancer afflicts you.

Well, a nuclear-free zone in the Middle East would be a wonderful thing.