I enjoyed school - although I ran away on the first day. I'd reminded the teacher that it was nearly time for 'Watch With Mother' on TV.

Noel Coward said work is more fun than fun, but then he didn't work in the Bird's Eye factory packing frozen fish fingers nine hours a day, did he?

What was I drinking last night? Furniture polish?

I was a really picky eater as a child. Because I was obsessed by Popeye, my mum and aunts would put my food in a can to represent spinach and we'd hum the Popeye tune and then I'd happily eat it.

If I wanted your opinion, I'd slap it outta ya.

The worst drivers are women in people carriers, men in white vans and anyone in a baseball cap. That's just about everyone.

Channel 4 are a great bunch of people to work with and the crew are lovely. Working at ITV was like being in the court of Caligula.

I dress up as a middle-aged prostitute and do a game show.

It's become normal for me to walk on set as Popeye, Frankenstein or an Elf or even a chicken.

Times are hard and friends are few

I am quite happy to take a cut. You've got to, if you want to work and continue working.

The wrong approaches to faith and to skepticism are equally detrimental to the path. For the former declares its answers too soon and is later found false

An army's bravest men are its cowards. The death which they would not meet at the hands of the enemy they will meet at the hands of their officers, with never a flinching.

When I got my tour card I cried. When I got my first win - and my first pay check - I cried. All these things make me cry.

To you, Fell. Can't you feel it? Inside you, as it lies inside all the Lera. Know thyself, wolf.

I swear, I have no understanding of other human beings.

I can never let the guy across from me be in better shape. I have to be the best-conditioned guy.

All I want to say, with the utmost emphasis at my command, is that the description of India as a military country is wrong.

Just because you can thrill a toddler by chewing with your mouth open doesn’t mean you should.

If you are glass half empty type of person, maybe you just haven’t been holding the right glass

There are more facts and more truths told in the first eight minutes of The Daily Show than most political news conferences in Washington.