I envy people who could just have one drink and not go look for cocaine afterwards.

We have chemical weapons in America too, they're called meth and cocaine.

You write some material, go up on stage and try it out; go back home and throw it in the trash can. And the next day do it again.

The police pulled me over and asked me if I have anything illegal in my car. I looked at my cousin and I ran.

I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.

I gotta lose weight. I got stretch marks on my stomach and I never had a baby. So now when I take off my shirt in front of women, I tell them I was attacked by a mountain lion.

Rich people bring a lawyer. Latinos and blacks bring their mom.

I like to watch French movies with the volume up so my neighbors could think I'm terrorist.

My mom cooked the same food every day - tortillas, beans and meat. If it was enchiladas, it was - tortillas, beans and meat. If it was burritos, it was still - tortillas, beans and meat.

The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.

A real woman needs quotes by dead men to get through the day.

Good luck is just bad luck with its hair combed.

no-one would want to go through a traumatic experience but when you’ve survived something life-shattering and risen above it, you achieve a kind of serenity.

The right path and easy path are usually two different things, and when it’s time to choose, always choose the right path over the easy.

Your home is within you, you carry your place in the world.

The ultimate test of a transformational leader is the ability to raise up a new generation of leaders.

God will always turn trials, national and personal into the manifestation of His glory

I have to be careful of what TV shows I choose, particularly ones that have commercials in them, because it's going to be a different kind of television show.

I feel that if you are blessed, or lucky enough, to be doing well, you should help others.

I think the fashion industry, as a result of globalization, has undergone a uniformity. I'm not saying that's good or that's bad but that is my observation.

Generosity, when once set going, knows not how to stop; as the more familiar we are with the lovely form, the more enamored we become of her charms.