I explained to him I had simple tastes and didn't want anything ostentatious no matter what it costs.

The best things in life aren't things.

People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.

There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

The things that matter most are not things.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

Gain great values by converting your time

I’m subject to occasional theological nightmares. The one that leaves me in a cold sweat every time is, I arrive at the pearly gates and the first thing I’m asked is where I went to college.

The style of flirtation specific to classrooms was of service to the students all their lives.

Outside, he had a sudden feeling that at moments there was too much light for human eyes. It caused men to feel weak and befuddled.

If we really want to live we'd better start at once to try.

Probably the most distinctive characteristic of the successful politician is selective cowardice.

In speaking of natural rights, therefore, it is essential to remember that these alleged rights have no political force whatsoever, unless recognized and enforced by the state.

My eyes were finally opened and I understood nature. I learned at the same time to love it.

If your country's in war there ain't nothin' you can do exceptin' help

If I am occasionally a little over-dressed, I make up for it by being always immensely over-educated.