I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say

I was going to buy a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking", and then I thought: What good would that do?

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.

I always wanted to be the last guy on Earth, just to see if all those women were lying to me.

A lot of people wonder how you can tell if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this question: 'Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?'

I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew $5000 at a reincarnation. I got to thinking, what the hell, you only live once!

I was an ugly baby. On my birth certificate there was a listing for Probable Cause.

Where there's a will there's a dead person.

Relationships give us a reason to live. Revenge.

Life has many swings...its up to you how you mold your wings, Strength is the Only wing....Faith leads you to destiny Win.

Some people grow under responsibility

I am fiercely loyal to those willing to put their money where my mouth is.

The crypto currency community hasn't decided whether they want to be anarchist rebels or to replace the establishment.

I'm an ugly girl, My face makes you hurl, Sad I have it, I should bag it. Acne everywhere, Unwanted facial hair. I'm a relation to Frankenstein's creation.

Integrity is when your good intentions meet your actions - on a consistent basis.

Be to the world a sign that while we as Christians do not have all the answers, we do know and care about the questions.

Champions aren't made in the ring, they are merely recognized there.

One of the reasons I loved playing quarterback was that I got to call the plays. The cancer put me in a position where I really wasn't in control anymore.